My Beautiful (The Beautiful Series) Read online

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Readers

  Acknowledgments

  Copyright © 2013 by Alicia Rae

  All rights reserved.

  Cover Designer: Sarah Hansen, Okay Creations

  Editor and Interior Designer: Jovana Shirley, Unforeseen Editing

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Visit my website at http://www.aliciaraeauthor.com

  I felt weightless as my mind was consumed with so many thoughts. I feared the possibility of letting my heart love again. It was a step forward, but once taken, it could never be reversed without more heartache.

  My chest constricted as I was overwhelmed with emotions pulling and dragging me in so many directions. It was hard to breathe...

  Until I saw a bright light.

  When I looked beyond it, I could see a shadow. While my eyes penetrated into the depths of its presence, my pulse began to steady. A sense of tranquility settled over me as the dark shadow came toward me. An indescribable gravitational pull from my core wanted me to get closer and closer.

  This shadow was my air, my light, and my heaven on earth.

  I needed him as much as he needed me.

  ***

  “Lily!”

  As I came to in my parents’ backyard, the fire crackled into the dark sky while the air was cool and crisp on my exposed skin. Kyle and I were on the ground with me lying across his lap.

  Kyle’s right arm cradled my waist while his other hand caressed my cheek with the backs of his fingers. “Lily! Are you alright?” he asked, his voice panicked.

  While he held me, I tried to make my eyes focus on his face. His eyebrows were creased with worry.

  “Yes…I think so.” The little white spots in my line of vision were starting to fade. I blinked and glanced around into the darkness surrounding the fire pit at my family home, trying to wrap my mind around what had just happened. Somehow, we had ended up on the ground in front of the hammock.

  Did I just…faint?

  Oh shit, I did.

  Kyle sighed in relief. Wrapping his other hand around me, he supported my back. His arms tightened around me like a lifeline. “You scared the living daylights out of me. Your whole face went pale, and then…” He shook his head as if to block the memory.

  Kyle shifted back on the ground as I sat up in his arms with my side against his chest. Resting my cheek on his shoulder, I tried to steady my breathing. I stared at the fire crackling from the pit, still trying to put my mind and body back together, piece by piece.

  Kyle loves me.

  I closed my eyes, knowing that I loved him, too, if only I could allow myself the chance to dream of a happily ever after.

  Could I tell him that? Am I brave enough to open myself up to him and lay my heart on the line? What if it gets shattered again? If something happens to us, I wouldn’t survive it.

  He was already a part of me. That would never change.

  “Lily,” Kyle said softly, “tell me what you are thinking about, please.”

  I spun my body around, placing my legs on either side of Kyle’s thighs. I stared at him, watching the emotions play across his face. Guilt flooded me as I realized I was responsible for the profound worry etched on his face.

  I had to tell him. I could not stand to see his vulnerability caused by the unknown. It was not fair to him. None of this was fair to him. It was wrong of me to drag him into a relationship when I was emotionally unstable.

  But as much as I was his, he was mine. I could not change the way my heart felt. I would just have to be stronger and push past my fears.

  My hand reached for his. After I slowly linked our fingers together, Kyle gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

  I remembered his precious words when he’d regarded me with such love in his eyes.

  I’m in love with you, Lily, and I know you’re in love with me, too. Come to Lake Tahoe with me and give us a chance. I know you have things in your life that you’re working on, and so do I, but we can do them together. I love you, and I want you to be mine.

  I thought of his breathtaking smile.

  Just take a chance with me, my beautiful Lily. I love you.

  I felt the same vulnerability he must have had as he’d looked deep into my eyes.

  You have my heart in your hands, Lily. Please don’t break it.

  He’d opened up his heart, and he deserved the very same from me.

  I nervously clenched my free hand into a tight ball. “I was thinking that…you are right.”

  Kyle’s eyes widened, his eyebrows lifting, in surprise. “I am?” he asked, taking in my words. “About which part?”

  I inhaled deeply, gathering my strength. I was not very good with speaking words, only writing them. Here goes. “I know that you love me…”

  “Yes…” he replied quietly, his hand rising to caress my cheek, soft and tender. “I do.”

  “And…I love you,” I whispered, looking into those brownish-green eyes that I adored so much.

  His lips curved up into one of his breathtaking smiles, and I was awarded with a brief appearance of a dimple before his mouth crushed onto mine. My heart overflowed with love, my pulse beating all the way to my toes.

  Kyle pulled back abruptly. “Say it again,” he breathed.

  I brushed my thumb across his lower lip, momentarily feeling its fullness. I cupped both sides of his jaw and drew him closer until I could feel his breath on me. “I. Love. You.”

  I barely completed those three words before Kyle kissed me, impatiently this time. As he released a low moan into my mouth, his hands held me tighter into his embrace as if he were silently promising to never let me go.

  I loved it when he pulled my body closer into his. It was like he had to touch me, and I reciprocated that need. I never wanted any distance between us.

  I was perfectly content to end our conversation and lose myself in his kiss. Telling him that I loved him, to me, was a huge step. I could never take back my words. I would never want to take them back.

  Kyle leaned back and grinned. My insides warmed at how beautiful he was on the outside while my heart melted at how he was genuine and full of love.

  “Sorry that I keep attacking you, but damn, I’ve been waiting a while to hear those words come from that soft mouth of yours. I want to make love to you, right here in front of the fire under the stars.” He stroked his thumb down the center of my bottom lip.

  Me, too.

  “But I need to hear more from you, Lily. I want to wake up next to you in my bed every day.”

  As he hesitated briefly, I braced my hand on his heart, fearing what I knew was coming next.

  “Will you move to Lake Tahoe and live with me?”

  I could feel his chest rising and falling beneath the palm of my hand. The tho
ught of moving to Lake Tahoe with Kyle made my pulse kick into overdrive. Move to Lake Tahoe? With Kyle? Move in with Kyle? Shit.

  “Just give it a chance, Lily. I meant what I said. If you don’t like Lake Tahoe, we’ll go wherever you want, but I think you’ll enjoy living there. One day, I hope that you’ll call it your home.”

  I knew this was what he needed. It was also the most practical solution, too. A writer could work from just about anywhere. His company was based in California, and his family was there, so it only made sense to live there, especially if I did not plan to stay near my family.

  I had to at least try. I was nervous to move, period. It was hard to start over. I knew from my experience when I’d left Colorado and ended up in Florida. Once again, I’d be giving up on everything that was familiar to me. At least this time, I would not be alone. My heart warmed at the thought.

  “Okay, I’ll try,” I answered quietly, smiling softly at Kyle. “But I can’t make any promises…I’m nervous to start over in a new place, and about us living together. I’m still going to keep my cottage.”

  “Thank you,” he said as his eyes filled with happiness. He leaned in to kiss my cheek. “You won’t be starting over, Lily. We’ll be moving forward together. I’ll check with the association about your cottage, too, and see if we need to do anything before you move.”

  “What about yours?”

  He shrugged. “Mine is rented. I don’t have much in it. We’ll just use yours when we’re in Florida.”

  My eyes widened. “You’ve been paying a weekly rate on that cottage this whole time…just to stay by me?”

  Kyle shook his head. “I told you not to worry about money. And it’s only been a few weeks, not years.” He grinned playfully. “I knew I’d sweep you off your feet faster than that.”

  “Oh, you were quite sure of yourself, huh?” I teased back.

  “Yes.” Kyle chuckled quietly. “I knew from the way you kissed me, like you couldn’t get enough of me, that you were a goner.” He gave me a boyish grin.

  I gathered my arms around his neck. “The same could be said about you.”

  His expression turned thoughtful. “Lily, you’ve had me since the first time I laid eyes on you. Watching you on the beach was a life-changing day for me. It was as if I knew you were going to be a part of me.”

  “I think it was the same for me, but it scared me, too. My eyes kept drifting to you, and you were so intense while you watched me.”

  “That’s right.” Kyle smirked. “You did check me out.”

  I threw my head back and laughed. “I did.”

  His hand gripped my chin gently to bring my eyes back to his. “You are so beautiful, especially when you laugh. Your eyes fill with so much love and happiness.” He kissed my lips softly and then pulled away. “I’m going to make you laugh every day when you live with me.”

  My smile was replaced with nerves. “You don’t think this is all moving too fast?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I don’t need a calendar to tell me how long I’ve known you, Lily. I know what I feel, and I can see it in your eyes even though you might not always want to say it out loud.” He kissed me on the cheek and then looked back and forth between the hammock and the fire pit. “So…are we camping out?”

  “I was planning to sleep in that hammock.” I glanced at it and then up and down Kyle’s physique. “But I’m not sure you’ll fit.”

  He showed off his gorgeous smirk again. “I think we can make it work. I’ll even let you snuggle in close,” he replied, taking hold of my hand. His eyes roamed toward the house. “We don’t have any extra clothing in the car. Do you want me to go inside and grab a blanket? Do you even have a key to the house?”

  I blinked at him in surprise. “It…it would probably be a good idea. I don’t have a key, but you can use the keypad. The code is nineteen eighty-six.”

  Kyle nodded. “Does that have a significant meaning?”

  I looked in the direction of the house, remembering the day my parents had picked the code. My mom’s eyes had glowed as soon as my dad had said the numbers out loud.

  “It was the year my parents were married.”

  “I’m sorry, Lily. I wish I could take away your pain.” He rubbed my hand in his. “Do you want to go inside with me?”

  My lips parted as I took in a deep breath. “No, I think it’s best if I wait out here. The keypad is on the right side of the door over there.” I gestured in the general direction.

  He kissed my temple and stood. “Alright, I’ll be right back.”

  I watched Kyle as he walked up to the house, moving farther and farther away from me. I put my arms around my chest, hugging myself, as I looked up into the clear sky. The night air had definitely cooled off a bit, and the stars were shining brightly.

  I shifted my position in the grass while my gaze roamed back to the house, my childhood home. I took a deep breath at the thought of Kyle being inside of it.

  It was a tall two-story house with a vaulted ceiling and big windows that took up most of the wall space. A few of the trees on the sides of the house were a bit larger and fuller now. The backyard deck wrapped around the right side of the house to an entrance that led into the mudroom.

  When I saw the lights turn on in the mudroom and kitchen, my nerves began dancing on edge. Kyle was in my old home. I felt really awkward about it, but I was glad it was him and not me.

  Part of me was curious and wanted to go inside, but my last memories of that home were so lonely and painful. Just the dark thoughts of it stirred a deep ache in my chest, and I tried to shake it off.

  I can sleep outside. I used to do it all the time as a kid.

  Trying to distract myself, I glanced at the back deck that was now lit up by the glowing lights coming from inside the house. My mom’s empty flower baskets were hanging over the railing just as I’d seen in the front yard. Mom had always filled them with the prettiest flowers she could find, and every spring, she would pick out fresh perennials to plant around the yard. All the flowers had added just the right amount of color, brightening up the overall look of the house.

  My parents had been very good about the upkeep of their home. Every year, Mom and Dad would decide what things around the house needed to be updated or repaired. They’d had a perfect system of working together.

  The lights went off, and then I could hear Kyle’s footsteps on the deck. My uneasiness returned, festering deep in my gut. I couldn’t believe I’d just let him go in there. I was baffled by my fear of going inside and of the emotions it might stir if I did, considering how strong they came over me from just being near the house. I knew I was overreacting, but I couldn’t help myself. The house had brought back so many memories that were too painful to think about right now.

  I was not sure how to keep the memories of my family positive when they made me feel damaged and broken. I was supposed to be moving forward, and looking at this house only made me feel loss and pain. So much pain. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath.

  When I opened my eyes again, Kyle was walking toward me with a few blankets and pillows in his hands. Immediately, I knew that they had come from the basket next to the couch in the living room. My sister and I had fought over the gray crochet blanket so many times. My mom had commented over and over on how she wished she had bought two.

  “Here.” Kyle reached out to hand me a blanket. “I found these in the living room.”

  Frozen in place, I stared at his hand. I’ll never again fight with Annie over that blanket.

  The thought pierced my heart and stole my breath away. I glanced up at Kyle, not sure what to say. It was just a blanket but also so much more.

  He looked into my eyes with understanding as he dropped the items before sitting down beside me. He pulled me into his arms, and I willingly straddled his lap, wanting his warmth and comfort. He hugged me tightly and kissed the top of my head affectionately.

  “I’m sorry, Lily. I can’t even imagine how diffi
cult this is for you. It was hard for me to go inside, knowing how much this hurts you.”

  I exhaled a shaky breath. “I want it to be easier. Will it always be this hard?”

  “I don’t know.” Kyle sighed as he brushed my hair off my cheek. “I hope not.”

  He leaned back to meet my gaze as a tear escaped and slowly rolled down my cheek. He brushed it away with such tenderness that it nearly made me cry even more.

  “I just don’t know how coming here is supposed to help me. I feel worse. I feel lost. I want to kick and scream and then sink to my knees and cry. I’m trying to trust Jeanine and follow her guidance, but I’m not sure I can take much more.” After a shaky breath, I whispered, “It’s too much. This is why I left.”

  Kyle tightened his embrace and kissed my forehead. Then, he tipped up my chin to meet his eyes. “I think that’s why Jeanine asked you to come back. You never broke down, Lily. You need to let it all out, so you can grieve. She thought it was necessary for you to move forward.”

  I paused, knowing he was right, but I just wanted to live in my bubble where my feelings could not hurt me. Facing loss and heartache would be so much harder.

  “One day at a time, Lily. I’m right here. We’ll do it however you want, but running is not an option. You are strong, and you can do this. You just have to believe in yourself.”

  Believe in yourself. He and so many others had said that to me before.

  I nodded in agreement, completely spent from my overwhelming emotions. I tilted my head to the side and laid it on his chest. His arms immediately gathered me close again while I replayed his encouraging words in my mind. They meant more to me than he could ever imagine. I could hear his heart beating beneath my ear, and my eyes began to feel heavy. Being in Kyle’s arms gave me a sense of peace. I felt complete with him by my side.

  I looked up into Kyle’s eyes. I wanted to thank him for everything he had done for me. Just then, a breeze picked up, blowing a few strands of my hair across my cheeks.

  Kyle smiled softly and used his fingers to tuck the stray pieces behind my ear. “You’ve had a long day. Come on, beautiful, let’s get you some sleep.”